Published on the 5th Anniversary of Covid-19 lockdown in the UK.
PAUL44
A powerful new novel by Steve Hep
Imagine for a moment, what if 2020 had been worse?
"Hello this is Safety Net, how can I help?"
The trauma of a dystopian pandemic is highlighted by callers to Paul44 at Safety Net Crisis Call Centre. The daily dramas of a beleaguered, northern town under martial law are brought home by Kenny’s struggle. Two personas, one individual - they begin to vie for dominance as societal breakdown peels back the protective layers this lonely man has built around himself and his scarred sexuality. Kenny recognises he must end his malevolent alter ego to survive but will Paul44 let him? Ultimately there is a victim.
Paul44 is a claustrophobic, compelling read, where the fourth wall is repeatedly breached. The subject matter is dark and first-person narrative intentionally provocative. The hope there may be redemption is what drives the story.
Author Steve Hep is an experimental writer, artist and most probably has ADD. Steve also holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and volunteered at a Crisis Call Centre during the pandemic. His experiences inspired this book.
20/11/20: Kill Yourself – Part One
12.10am
Spider skates along the ceiling above my bed. The wall light casts a long shadow, a second distorted, eight-legged scrawl, growing from it. As spider quietly makes its way above me, the shadow becomes increasingly stretched. Suddenly the arachnid halts its staccato amble and drops. Hanging upon an invisible thread, it spins into the middle of the bedroom above my head. Cells working in unison with only one purpose, survival. Spider lowers towards my face; I open my mouth. Slowly it spirals on to my tongue and comes to rest. I lay motionless. This meeting of matter, hesitating to take the other in. As spider sparks to life, legs twitching, I close my mouth and swallow it whole.
I stay fixed, taking in being present. Elsewhere my three charges sleep, as the house grows cold. There is a dragging silence now. The sort I have grown to loathe, lonely and empty. In this half world, this betweenness I mostly inhabit, there is always unease. This slowly solidifies, weighing me down. Calls sporadic at best and unwanted.
Do I need this anymore? As the world crumbles, Kenny has too much to do and Paul44 not enough. This juxtaposition wrestles to take ownership and I feel split, a schizophrenic corpse lying on the bed (ooh, that is good). Suddenly there is clarity, I must do something about Paul44.
“Kill yourself.” he whispers in response and surprisingly that brings a smile. What a fucked up year. A different person 12 months ago, a different world where…
Outside a volley of gunfire brings me upright. The phone at my side begins to ring.
PAUL44 - Signed First Edition Hardback
£22.99
A unique opportunity to own a limited signed first edition of this ground-breaking new novel. Each book will also feature sage advice directly from PAUL44. £22.99 includes P&P.
50% of all signed hardback profits go to Papyrus UK - Charity for the Prevention of Young Suicide.
Paperback available at Amazon.co.uk/PAUL44 for £9.75.